Editorial

There is no must if you do not want it

There is no must for any man, why must a Dervish?
What must he do?
Lessing (Nathan the Wise)

I am in Obertauern with more than 30 students and lecturers as part of our course of study in WingTsun/sports education. From my hotel room I have a wonderful panoramic view of the majestic Austrian winter landscape. Two-legged ants are gliding down white slopes and crawling up again on the other side. I wonder if some of our WT students are among them?
Just as I am ready to go out for some fun in the snow, there is an electronic beep: "dear si-fu, have you finished your editorial for translation yet?"
Blast, I can’t go out yet, I still need to write my monthly editorial. And I have not even thought of a subject yet.
But deadlines are approaching, I must do my duty and send off my text.

But "must" I really? There is an old saying that "There is no such thing as must". How often I have heard and said this myself!
Without realising how right the wise Nathan was in Lessing’s play.
It is not only Sufis (or Dervishes in Lessing’s play) who need not
"must", we do not need to either!
But "must" I not deliver my monthly editorial punctually? After all, it "must" be posted on the website in time!

Many of us might ask ourselves the following:
- "Must" I not meet the expectations of my parents and e.g. refrain from moving out of the area as planned?
- "Must" I not be friendly towards others and put a brave face on things?
- "Must" I not be at my workplace on time?

No, I "need" not, there is no actual compulsion involved, I am only putting pressure on myself!
Without being aware of it, I have subconsciously weighed up the arguments for myself, as in a school essay, with the advantages and disadvantages neatly compared and considered. Equally unconsciously of course, I have then come to the conclusion that after considering all the facts, it will be too expensive for me not to follow my parents’ request that I live nearby. The advantages of moving away (better job prospects, nearer to my girlfriend, more quality of life etc.) do not outweigh the disadvantages (a guilty conscience: who will look after them; or even very selfishly: will my brother then become their favourite etc.).
Putting a brave face on things and pretending not to notice the machinations of others against me is not an absolute obligation either.
One of my alternatives might be to bang my fist on the table. This would bring disadvantages which I am not prepared to accept because the cost is too high. So I refrain from using the option of letting off steam and making my views heard.
But the option was available to me! I had the freedom of action to do it, but as I am, I was unable to decide in favour of this expensive solution.
But surely I have an obligation to be at work on time, or perhaps not. Here too I have the option of staying in bed instead.
No, the price would be too high because my beauty sleep would soon cost me the goodwill of my boss, so I force myself out of my warm bed. Here too, there is no absolute "must" though!
Neither is there a "must" when it comes to sending in my editorial on time. Being late would be unfortunate and embarrassing, but it would not spell the end for me! But it would disappoint loyal readers of whom I am very fond, and it is important that people should think me reliable. More important than going out to enjoy the snow. A bit of fun in the snow at the cost of losing my reputation and sacrificing my principles is too high a price for me.
So I carry out my self-imposed duty. And since I am doing it, I might as well do it gladly, do it as best I can and take pleasure in it!  

In such cases we usually have the subjective feeling that we are subject to some external obligation, and we feel powerless and helpless. This feeling is deceptive though, and for psycho-hygienic reasons we should always try to remind ourselves that we are not the helpless plaything of some higher power, but that we have undergone an internal decision-making process which has led us to rule out real but costly alternatives. We are not subject to any external power, but to our own, admittedly unconscious power. We are not powerless, at least not the unconscious part of us!
It is in the nature of things that we always (wrongly) feel powerless when we appear to accept our fate, but have in reality examined and rejected the alternatives beforehand – a process which takes place unconsciously and is therefore hidden from us. And because we e.g. continue to live in the same town, i.e. we do not become active but remain "passive", we see ourselves as someone who patiently accepts his unavoidable fate like a sacrificial lamb.

It is helpful to realise that not taking an option and "choosing" not to act, i.e. remaining on our present course, is also a form of "choice" which has its consequences like everything else.
If we e.g. stay with our partner although he/she has certain failings or unpleasant characteristics, then this is because we have made an (unconscious)"decision" that this is more advantageous to us. But we do not have to!

The words we use determine our thoughts and actions. At some point we become the indecisive, externally guided cowards whose language we use. Accordingly I have made a personal resolution only to use the words "must" and "should" very sparingly in future, and always to examine whether they were necessary. Even at the risk of appearing abrupt and impolite. After all, it is easier to decline an invitation with an excuse: "Unfortunately I can’t make it, I HAVE TO go to X.", when I should really be saying: "I would like to come, but my appointment in Z. is more important to me. Not being there would be costly for me."

Let us make increasing use of our inherent freedom of action, and proudly assume full responsibility for all that we do and do not do (omissions). Never forgetting that everything in life has its price, even doing nothing. For in a certain sense we also choose this option ourselves, though usually unconsciously.

But does this mean that we always have a choice? Of course not.
We cannot choose whether we want to be born, and death is equally unavoidable.
Neither am I referring to unlimited free will here – the fact that I do not believe in this will be clear to those who have read my book "The Last shall be First".
But what we do have is a certain freedom of action. Unfortunately this is restricted by our own (!) unconscious resistance, by how we are.
Our nature makes us as predictable as a vehicle running on rails. Nonetheless, we would be able to break out if we wanted to, if we only wanted to enough and were prepared to pay the price.  But this means believing that we have a choice and changing ourselves.
This change could already start with the use of language, and a first measure would be to consciously refrain from using the passive, impersonal and responsibility-denying personal pronoun "one", as well as "must" and "should".

The purpose of this article is to encourage you to see and seize the alternatives in unsatisfactory situations.

"Free yourself from your own strength!" means exactly that: the resistance you feel comes from you yourself. Go beyond your own boundaries!
Let go! Do not put pressure on yourself, and refuse to see yourself as the powerless victim of so-called "compelling circumstances". There are none!
Make "compelling circumstances" your personal hate-phrase for the year 2006!